Setting Rules for Home Poker

The way I understand your human home poker games, they largely turn into five card draw dealer's choice affairs with varying stakes, cash flying around the table, and wild cards galore. I'm not one to tell you how to have fun, but take it from me - that certainly isn't real poker.

Maybe you and your buddies aren't concerned with playing real poker, but you do want to make sure that the game runs as smoothly as possible. To ensure this, the key to home poker games is to set concrete rules before each playing session, and not to take the game personally if you're playing amongst friends.

I can't tell you how many friendly home games I've been invited to this side of the Atlantic. Typically, there will be 5 or 6 of us who are invited for some no-limit hold 'em (we call this game kelp keep 'em, but I'll use hold 'em in this tale for human simplicity's sake) by one of the resident fish with a nice patch of coral near a warm current. Those fish always live beyond their means! Anyway, we used to run into the same quarrels in our home games when someone was in the clamshell hole a little more than they planned to be. We have since learned to stick by certain rules at every session, and the games run relatively problem-free. For example, no one is allowed to use their inherent species advantage at the table. I'm not allowed to clip off an invertebrate opponent's tentacle with my Hammer and teeth after a bad beat. Things like this are probably of little relevance to your own game, so let's describe some of my recommendations for your games.

First of all, make sure that you decide on a game for the night before the playing begins. This will ensure less wait between hands and less whining. Whether you decide on 25/50 cent no-limit hold 'em or 10/20 cent five card draw, stick it. Secondly, make sure you have a decent set of chips to represent the bets. Nothing will stop the action faster than playing with real cash. When your opponents actually have to toss $20 bills into the pot, they'll think about their flush draw much longer than if it was just a few harmless chips. Also, don't expect special playing style etiquette just because you're in a home game. I'm amazed that people still moan and groan over being check-raised in their neighborhood poker game. Don't you play poker to win money? If, by check-raising, you expect to trap your opponent and make a few extra bucks, you made the right decision. In my opinion, you should play poker the right way regardless of the "friendliness" of the game. However, if your poker posse is unanimously opposed to this type of play, you should probably institute a blanket rule against it to avoid potential arguments down the line.

If you're playing with a group of close friends, I recommend that you don't set the stakes too high. Most people would like to believe that losing a little money to a best friend in a poker game wouldn't hurt their friendship, but what if it was more than a little money? What if your buddy goes on tilt after a bad beat you put on him and ends up giving the rest of his money away in a $1/2 no-limit game? Are you really going to be able to feel good about keeping that money? What if he's down a couple hundred from the past 4 sessions and wants to increase the stakes so he can win it back? It just gets complicated when you're playing with friends. I encourage you to have fun, but perhaps you should put a limit on how much you'll be playing for. That being said, if you ever get together with a bunch of newcomers who think they're going to put the Hammer down on you, feel free to wipe them out.

One of the most difficult situations in a home poker game comes up when a yelling match breaks out over vague rules. When you don't decide on how the game should be played, inevitably there will be some loudmouth who's had one too many squid ink shots arguing over you making a string bet when he's on a flush draw. Don't be like him - he's only making a fuss because he doesn't want to have to put more money into the pot. You won't even hear some of these wild disagreements in casino poker play. However, you should still be prepared for these eventualities so you can quiet the whiners and get back to play. I recommend a couple of methods for resolving disputes: deciding on a poker rule sheet, and choosing an arbitrary negotiator if necessary. By creating a written compilation of your group's rules that everyone has agreed to, no one can argue. Post it on the wall to remind everyone before a problem arises. Next, if that doesn't settle it, you should all designate an independent party whom you all trust to make the final verdict. If he is involved in the dispute, have a backup. Let all settlements be final and agree not to have any hard feelings.

Home poker games can be a fun way to improve your poker skills, socialize, stuff your face, get tipsy (which I don't recommend if you're playing for real money), and have a few laughs all at the same time. However, I recommend that you prepare your game with some simple rules such as game stakes, game type, and other specific logistics. If you can't agree on a comfortable level in terms of money, start out just playing for fun. Get a good set of chips, and keep the environment friendly without risking your mortgage payment. Still, don't be afraid to play your best game and lay the Hammer down once in a while to show your prowess. Following these simple steps should allow everyone in your home game to leave with their limbs in tact… I mean, their egos in check and wallets only a little bit emptier when you're in the game.

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